There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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