just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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