I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
