She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
