Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
