I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
They took my balls.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
