i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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