wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
