I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
