My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
