I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
