yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
