I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
