make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
