she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
