I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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