I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
