Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
