I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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