After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
