Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
where does the pee come out of this thing
well most of my day revolves around power hour
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
