Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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