imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
