Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
