five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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