so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
