I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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