nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
