it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
