I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
