why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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