just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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