im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
