I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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