yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
