I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
