I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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