census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
