I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
