He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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