I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I need water and some morals
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
