Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
