Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
