it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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