see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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