It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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