Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
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