I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
