I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
