During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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